The 273rd day of the full-scale invasion of russia and this is the first day when an entire city (as it later turned out – all of Ukraine) was cut off. Prior to that, throughout the fall of 2022, the lights were turned off in the districts. We got through it quite easily, although we were naturally dissatisfied. I currently work through pre-purchased devices that allow me to type on my phone with a keyboard and I can also connect a mouse.
The situation is unpleasant, but I was ready for it.
I have supplies of water and food, the apartment is warm, I feel fine.
But…
The city is covered in darkness right now.
People went outside because there was nothing to do at home.
Children are screaming outside, they have some strange game where they have to scream as if someone is cutting them. I’m not surprised.
I took some photos from the balcony of my yard.
Blue, gloomy sky, black windows and here and there the light of a candle or a flashlight flickers. Single people with flashlights walk down the street, a crowd gathers near shops and stalls.
There is no electricity. There is no mobile connection. There is no internet. There is no water.
Of the benefits of civilization, only gas remained (well, that’s how it is for me, and some people have electric stoves in their kitchens).
I have several hand lanterns and a rare kerosene lamp.
This silence is stunning.
Two hours passed.
The children have already gone somewhere.
Well-fed cats run around the house, and in the midst of this silence, my indomitable desire to write with the voice of the keyboard keys echoes.
A thought crossed my mind, who is able to go about his business under these conditions when absolutely everything has disappeared? Who can do what he is good at?
Musicians, singers, robbers, doctors, rescuers, police, writers… This is the first thing that came to mind. Of course, this list can be continued, but I am very happy that I am doing my favorite thing, I am writing, no matter what.
So far, I have 49% on my mobile phone, I have enough power for 3 more full phone charges. When the gadget runs out of energy, I’ll just write on paper. You just need to buy more kerosene so that there is light.
In such unusual, extreme moments of life, a person has a unique opportunity to pay attention to himself, his surroundings, ask questions, and think.
Many people do not do this in their everyday life, because there is a lot of work, a lot of junk that distracts them. There is always not enough time either for one’s thoughts or even more so for the thoughts of others.
And now all this is gone. Things have disappeared because there is no electricity or water. Ordinary life stopped and it was replaced by real life, the natural environment of man.
All the assets of technological progress, achievements have gone into the shadow of the darkness that comes immediately after sunset.
The man was left alone with himself.
How many will use this chance wisely?
How many of those will stop at least for a few hours, minutes to look at themselves, instead of raging, spilling their dissatisfaction, their anger?
It’s already dark all around, why make it even darker?
I am also not happy that this is happening. But I look for opportunity in these circumstances, I continue to write, think, feel and live. My anger exists by default, every russian can feel it, just by looking into my eyes live. This anger will never be eradicated.
I have come to terms with the fact that this rage for everything russian will be with me until my last breath. I feel it and used to it.
This contempt, disgust for everything katsap is present everywhere in my life, just like the war. These two characteristic features seeped into the genes themselves. Perhaps this rage was already in the genes from past generations, and now it was simply awakened, stirred up.
It is very interesting how people addicted to the Internet feel now. How much it twists and breaks them. Not that I’m angry, it’s just plain curiosity. How exactly do they experience this period?
The owners of Starlink feel like kings. The demand for their services reached, I’m sure, Mars itself. Elon Musk still got to this red distant planet, albeit in a slightly strange way.
Also, I wonder how much text I’ll write in total during the blackout?
I wrote about 600 words in the first 2 hours, but I managed to eat, feed the cats, photograph the darkness, fill all the containers with water (while there was any), and set up my new workplace. By the way, it looks something like this:
It is already 22:41.
For a couple of hours, I lay in complete darkness with Maslo, on a mattress in the corridor, which for the 273rd day has been my place to recharge my batteries behind three walls.
Maybe I got some sleep, maybe not. In such a state, reality changes a little, the black veil adds new shades, thoughts do not want to be expressed, they sometimes rise to the surface, then again sink into the abyss of silence and obscurity.
Indescribable silence. special. This is probably the first time I hear it and feel it so close. To understand what I’m talking about, you need to hear it and be in the middle of this blackout.
In this silence, there is no place for unnecessary sounds, unnecessary movements, everything is perfect and in its place. This silence came to visit today without invitation and demands attention, respect, tea.
Brewing.
Black, with bergamot, a little carcade, a little mint with lemon balm…
When I was lying down, I had time to think about many things. One of the last ones, which became the final one, was bright and lit up, tearing this darkness to shreds:
this is my express desire to have my own home, a powerful generator, equipment for the autonomous supply of electricity to the home.
If until this day this desire simply existed, because it is not new in my world, then today this vision of its future has acquired a clarity bordering on a morbid desire to make anything of it a reality.
It is not known when exactly the day of Ukraine’s victory will come. But every day he is getting closer, I am sure of it.
Despite these troubles, despite this blackout, directly I do not waver in my convictions. On the contrary, my love for my country only grows stronger, my anger towards russia reaches infinity and even beyond.
Today’s vocabulary freestyle is full of emotions. There is little structure here, I write what I feel or think at the moment. Perhaps, having expressed myself a little here, I will separately work on other texts that are waiting for me.
For example, the big topic that I wrote about in my article “What is war” needs a detailed description according to the theses mentioned there. The military topic is not only relevant but also very voluminous, it reaches absolutely everything, it is everywhere. That is why this paradigm shift, these significant structural changes cannot be ignored by a person like me.
I don’t just want to write about it, I want to do it, I have no right to be silent about it. I do not rule out that this work will one day be made into a book, but I do not have such a goal at the moment. I simply record my observations, carefully follow life, the environment, write down those things that stick out to me. I am a tool through which the world receives information.
As you know, everything has been told to us a long time ago. I know that I do not invent new words, meanings, images. But my life is such that I write because I love to do it. I write because I can’t do it any other way. I just have to do this simple task, satisfying my desire first.
Another portion of tea is ready.
The old candles that had been waiting for their time for several years went to waste.
Two minutes to midnight.
I wrote 1000 or so words during today’s blackout. It’s about 8 hours. It’s certainly not much, but it’s better than nothing.
No matter how cool it is, such conditions still slightly reduce productivity compared to working at a computer.
Although the second day, I am sure, in this rhythm I will spend much more efficiently, because I will be doing the basic things for the second time, I adapt to changes very quickly.
This is one of my best traits or rather skills.
November 24, 2022.
I welcome a new day in typing.
I’m happy with myself and how I’m living this blackout.
My mood is fighting. Maybe because my main function continues to be active and working – I write, I continue to write, that’s the main thing.
My cats don’t understand what’s going on. Why is it so quiet, dark and stinks of burning kerosene? Together with the whole city, they calmed down. Like me, they sleep and eat all day.
And now it’s time for more meaningful work, so I will write about what you could do during a blackout.
